Riding a Bike - by Blake Holl

Riding a Bike

So I decided to share with you gents and ungents the saga of riding a bike. I was walking tonight and all of a sudden a master cyclist biked right past me. No he was not in Lance Armstrong attire, chilling with McConaughey (they’re good friends in real life). This dude was riding his red bike with no hands, and if I might add… he was flying.

This made me think of the first time I learned to ride a bike. Let me tell you this, I was a late learner. Everyone usually learns in 1st grade or so. Well I didn’t learn until 4th or 5th grade.

On the corner of 5th and Jefferson I learned how to ride my white, huffy, kick ass bike. No, my mom didn’t run along side with me, guiding me and then letting go. I learned differently then your average tricyclist to bicyclist. I was instructed to sit on the bike with both feet on the ground and I guess “paddle” with my feet. I guess you can say gallop like a horse. This would allow me to build up speed (speed is the key; you cannot keep balance going slow – I learned the hard way). So once speed was built up, I was told to lift my feet up and try and keep my balance. Of course I was struggling for a long time. Did you honestly think I would be able to peddle so soon? No freaking way. That’s step 2. Step 2 is one step away from step 1, but it is really a million steps away. Think about it.

So I’m doing step 1 pretty good, but then my worst nightmare… PEOPLE. More specifically, it was a Dad and his kids. Yep, the kids were on bikes. Oh and they were much younger than me. So I say in extreme fright to my mom, “Ahh what do I do?” Mom has always got your back, it’s a solid fact, it don’t lack, and she’s the mack. “Just do the balancing thing and I’ll say ‘Don’t go too far Blake!’” Got to love mom. We fooled them. Suckers.

So after that quick scare, I kept going until it turned dark. I was able to balance using the gallop method. That’s all I can remember really. I learned the peddling thing a little while later, and was able to ride a bike. HA!

I’ll flash to now, where I’m pretty good on a bike. I can do a wheelie, and go down a curb. I still won’t go up on a curb, I could fall and look really dumb, not to mention mess up this pretty face. But I see these guys who ride with no hands. Who do these guys think they are? They got some nerve. I’d like to say something to them, but they’re usually going so fast I can’t get my point in.

I can barely ride with one hand mind you none. That is a last resort. Last resort as in I need my other hand to shoot someone with my water pistol, or grab a baby away from a nearby grenade. When I ride with one hand for more than a few seconds I lose control and most likely fall. It happens. When I let go with both hands, I do it as a challenge, and I am completely scared. Very frightened. I try and conquer my fears. If you time it just right, you can let go with both hands as you go by a girl, look cool, give her the “oh yeah riding with no hands” look, and quickly grab back onto the bars right after you pass them. Don’t get cocky though, bad things happen.

Don’t get me started on bmx bikers. Those guys… those guys. Oh, I used to have trouble riding on pegs too. I was scared of riding bikes in front of people when I was younger because I wasn’t as good. Well my final point is this, and I’ve been trying to preach this to my friends: I don’t want to drive anymore while at home. I just want to ride bikes with my friends to places. We’d be a bicycle pack. Wear all leather, get tattoos. I think it’d be even cooler if we put our training wheels back on our bikes.