Politics: through the eyes of Saturday Night Live

if you haven't seen the real sarah palin interview with katie couric, youtube it. please see how anyone, even a stray raccoon, would be a better vp.

if you missed the presidential debate for some reason, here is the better version

the revival of a classic

in the eighth month of 2000, comedy central gave the american people a very amazing, yet short-lived television show: BattleBots. competitors would design and build their own remote-controlled machines to fight against others in the BattleBox. these machines were armored and had an array of weapons to use, but that's not all. inside the BattleBox were numerous hazards that could come out of the ground or the walls, such as the Kill Saws, Ramrods, and Hell Raisers.

BattleBots lasted for five seasons, spawning 94 episodes. the last season aired starting in august of 2002. there was a problem with the show, though. people wanted to see more of the robots fighting, instead of the show focusing on the robot builder's backstories and their "wacky" reporters (former Baywatch actresses Carmen Electra and Traci Bingham, and former Playboy playmate Heidi Mark, to name a few). i hope, for the sake of BattleBots, they weren't talking about the show's "technical expert," Bill Nye. that would be a heinous crime. then, on a sad day in late 2002, Comedy Central terminated their contract.



being unheard of for a little over five years, BattleBots received an offer that could possibly put them back in the hearts of kids across America (and possibly adults too). in february of 2008, ESPN offered to televise a "Collegiate BattleBots Championship," with competitors coming from as many as 160 colleges. originally supposed to be held this past summer, the competition has been delayed until November to give the challengers more time to prepare.

this just might be the biggest event of the year, even topping the presidential election. who cares about politics anyway? i'd rather focus on remotely operated vehicles waging war against each other in the most badass arena since the Colosseum. wouldn't you?


here's a clip from the good ol' days. hopefully, these collegiate engineers will be capable of reviving an amazing pastime. see you in november.

Comic Relief

by Matt Burke


Time to share my secret cache of hilarity for all to enjoy.

Sometimes crude, sometimes taboo, always ridiculous, and always hilarious are the comics from explosm.net titled “Cyanide and Happiness.” There are many internet comic series floating around, and if you're a big "stumbler" (www.stumbleupon.com) you already know this. None, however, come remotely close to the guaranteed delivery of Cyanide. The comic tackles issues that include politics, current issues, rape (child and adult), necrophilia, masturbation, hitting kids (in and out of the womb), historic tragedies, relationships (dude on dude), wet dreams, racism, amputees, animal cruelty (the good kind and the bad kind), menstruation, just plain awkwardness, and anything else you can think of. In short: it's got what you want.

The comic is written and illustrated by a group of five cartoonists, so updates will usually come daily. The staple of my morning routine is checking the new comic, which fits in perfectly after my morning whack off, and right before my second morning whack off.

Some may know the comic from its time-to-time appearances on CollegeHumor, where it has recently garnered its larger followings, but the site and its comics have been around since early 2005. The next time you’re bored, just cruise the archives of Cyanide and Happiness, and you’ll turn that frown upside down.

Go forth and enjoy the boner you're about to get (just don’t think of me when that time comes).

www.explosm.net/comics


One of my favorites

The End of an Era: Pale Dog Tavern (2006-2008)

By Lauren Camhe

It was just your average, run-of-the-mill Saturday night when I heard the news. It is seemingly impossible to fathom that in my three and some-odd years here, I have yet to hear anything quite as devastating. Pale Dog, a Newark superstar, had shut down, and this was no temporary leave of absence; this was permanent. The news hit me the way I would frequently hit the ground when I fell off the stage at the Pale Dog – hard and unannounced.

Many people can say they are a loving, adoring fan of the late, great Pale Dog. But I know I am one of few who can say they are a Pale Dog warrior. From the spring semester of freshman year to the spring semester of junior year, Pale Dog wasn’t just an event – it was top priority for minors everywhere who were eager for a night of unadulterated mayhem, and for those courageous enough to take on and survive a Pale Dog bus trip. Pale Dog was a safe zone for laminated pieces of computer paper chalked with a sharpie and some cleavage; and for many, it was paradise. Now that I am an official Pale Dog veteran, a tear comes to my eye every time I reminisce.

It has been a few days since I found out, and a picture of what looks like it could be an unfinished basement still lingers in my memory. Pale Dog defined much of college for me, and by that, I of course am referring to the generous amount of life-changing events that took place there. This, among many other reasons, was why I needed to be notified of a bus trip at least three weeks in advance. My schedule had to be clear. I would find myself studying days before a test just to witness a night where 17 couples break up, 25 more unexpected couples start hooking up, and everyone, yes, EVERYONE gets ass. And for two years, even if Pale Dog was held on a Tuesday before a huge midterm, you bet I would be there. I never missed a beat.

Everyone lucky enough to experience the Pale Dog Tavern will never forget the smiles on their faces as $2 SoCo-Lime shots flooded the dirty concrete floors while adolescents partied to a master mix of music from “Rent,” and 40 year old Newark natives roamed in search of the easiest teenager to get their blood flowing again. So as I bid farewell to my island of dreams, I only hope that the incoming classes of this academic institution experience something even close to the euphoria and sheer embarrassment that existed and occurred within the muddy walls of the Pale Dog Tavern. Now when I look back, I smile knowing that two of the finest years of my youth were spent there. I laughed, I cried, I was even escorted out unconscious. But no matter how badly my face was scarred, bruised, and imprinted with the official “Pale Dog” hand stamp the morning after, it will always hold a special place in my heart. Rest in peace, Pale Dog – it is truly the end of an era that I wish I remembered in detail.

Definitions you need to know

This is an email that my dad passed on to me.



If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name your kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

If you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a "phoney." Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're "well loved."

If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you." If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're "one of us."

If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a "terrorist fist jab." If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an "extremist." If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a "fundamentalist."

If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're "uppity." If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it's just "empty rhetoric." If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that's "red meat."

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist -- "Yes, we can!" If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, "Yup, yup!"

The Evolving Fear of the Male Genitalia - by Blake Holl

In society, the way we perceive and how others perceive the idea of your manhood is one of much hype. Saying you don’t care what people think could be true. But most of the time, that’s a bold-faced lie.

So what is it that the male gender fears about their baby-maker? It’s just a part of your body right? You had no say in the matter. You didn’t tell your mother to enlarge parts of your body while letting other parts get shorter, or fatter, or a different color, right? Regardless though, let me explain to you the fear of growing up with a penis. DUM DUM DUMMMMM!

You start out not caring what anyone thinks. You’re five years old, peeing on your brother at the beach, running around naked in the supermarket, living like a king. You’re even showing girls without any hesitation, and guess what? Girls would flash you right back. It was the best idea you’ve ever thought of over the course of your five, irresponsible years on this earth. Man, if only that would happen today.

Somewhere between elementary school and middle school, this new belief evolves: “size is everything.” Oh boy. The fear begins here. “Is my penis small? Oh my God, people might laugh at me.” Flagging suddenly becomes popular at this critical point in life. You’re out playing and then BOOM!!! Your friend flags you, exposing your parts to everyone in school…shit. You know what also sucks, is the equation of the erect size of a penis (Note: this may be myth, fact, partially true, who knows):

Erect penis size (inches) = (½ shoe size) +1

I heard the so-called “+1” part later in life. You have everyone wondering what your shoe size is. Eventually, girls come up to you and ask you. That’s the worst. You’re put on the spot, face-to-face with the group of people who can change your entire adolescence (at this stage, a man’s only focus is the opposite sex). You respond with a hesitantly, but honestly, “seven.” They respond, “insert giggles, laughter, pointing” and then run away… great. Reminder, this is most prominent in the middle school and early high school years.

Your next big fear is not really size anymore. There is now a new question. “Am I a premature ejaculator? How long do I last?” This one is tough, and everyone can attest (except for girls, of course). So now, if you’re really insecure, you have to be not only “big,” but “be able to go the distance.” Damn, this is a lot of work. Around high school, this is what girls really want. They don’t want some puny baby who cums in a minute. Excuse me on my crudeness. They want some mac daddy who makes it rain in the bedroom.

So, is it the size of the wave or the motion of the ocean? When girls asked that question, I would analyze my choices closely, and then respond smoothly with “I’m a hurricane baby.” Giggle about that one bitches. No, but I’d really respond with, “motion of the ocean” cause I thought it was better. Who knows though, I could be a lake.

Somewhere between the end of high school and around college, this fear kind of dissipates, and you can just laugh at your situation. Role with the punches. The last problem you might encounter is getting it up. It usually happens when you drink too much, which may actually be a good thing. A lot of movement might trigger the contents of your stomach to come back up. Talk about awkward.

So that’s it for all you ladies who think being a guy is so easy. In the next generation, maybe we’ll go around asking how big your vagina is. You better be ready…

deerfield golf and tennis club use their driving range for additional parking

it's been seven years since 9/11. it's still very weird that those events happened. lets all say a prayer today for everyone who has passed...



if you haven't heard yet, warner bros. is planning to re-release the dark knight in january to make a big oscar push. i'll be honest, i'd go see it again. i've seen it twice, watching in awe how heath ledger stars in probably the best performance i have ever seen. on the down side, this probably means that the dvd won't be released for another 400 years. i'm sorry for the slight exaggeration, but that probably bothers a lot of you like it does me. refer your questions to my roommate burke. he does nothing with his life and knows more about movies than you do about the back of your hand (either hand).

entourage started its 5th season on sunday. it was very weird to see the foursome not together. for those who missed it, don't worry. you really didn't miss much. vince was getting with girls, drama was being an idiot, and ari gold was yelling at people. standard episode. if you haven't seen californication yet, you haven't lived (or are living a sub-par life). this showtime series starts their second season sunday sept 28. try making a sentence with more alliteration than that. i dare you.

my fantasy baseball team continues their poor play into the latter half of the week. going into tonight's games, i'm losing 2-12 (please keep the laughter to yourself, i need all the support i can get). my non-fantasy baseball team, the yanks, don't play tonight, which means that they can't lose. i've tried keeping the faith for so long, but i think it's about time to give up hope. i'll probably be the only one to say this, but you'll be missed jason giambi.

for those looking for some delaware news, two sussex county schools have been named among the top schools in the nation. sussex technical high school and east millsboro elementary school were honored for student progress in academic achievement. represent delaware, represent.

that's all for today. here is a video blake sent me. skip to 1:10 to see the musical performance. the rest of it is stupid nbc make people famous garbage mumbo jumbo filth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbWRkulvXbE&feature=related

Tuesdays with Blake - Upcoming Movie Reviews

Every Tuesday, Blake Holl will present to you his reviews for upcoming movies with specific actors. Hope you all enjoy...


Tom Cruise, Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Christian Bale… not your everyday cast. When I think of actors, I think of these guys: Depp, De Niro, Pacino, Smith, Willis, Damon. This is a great set of actors, but they don’t fit this discussion. This crew is where this discussion leads. Will their new movies be flops or masterpieces? Let’s see where their future leads.


Tom Cruise: the man is one word: crazy. Who cares, he’s an excellent actor. He’s pretty versatile as well. Not Johnny Depp versatile, but who is?

Most Recent: Mission Impossible III – cool movie, but how did he get the damn Rabbit’s foot though? Lions for Lambs was apparently a big bust. In Tropic Thunder, his character is hilarious.

Upcoming: Valkyrie.

IMDB Plot: Valkyrie – “Based on actual events, a plot to assassinate Hitler is unfurled during the height of WWII.” Basically, Tom Cruise is a general who is trying to use Hitler’s own secret army to assassinate him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPoZWP2738k

Thoughts: This movie looks awesome. Could be a lot of talking, but the plot is actually really intense. The fact that it’s based on true events is even better. Bryan Singer (director of X-Men, Superman Returns, and The Usual Suspects) should provide a real dark film that will keep you on the edge of your seat. This will be close to defining suspense. Lions for Lambs looked very suspenseful, but I have a different feeling on this one. See in theaters? Yes… but make sure to bring your flash light cause this will be a dark one.


Edward Norton: an excellent actor who of late has not produced anything to live up to his breakout role in Fight Club and other fan favorites like American History X and Rounders.

Most Recent: Well, the Illusionist was okay. Painted Veil looked good, a bit boring though, and I've yet to see the new Hulk. But anything could have beaten the old one.

Upcoming: Pride and Glory, Motherless Brooklyn.

IMDB Plot: Pride and Glory – “A saga centered on a multi-generational family of New York City Police officers. The family's moral codes are tested when Ray Tierney (Edward Norton), investigates a case that reveals an incendiary police corruption scandal involving his own brother-in-law (Colin Farrell). For Ray, the truth is revelatory, a Pandora's Box that threatens to upend not only the Tierney legacy but the entire NYPD.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2Qu80hRoh4

Thoughts: This WILL be a good movie, but it won’t be groundbreaking. Edward Norton will steal the screen, Colin Farrell should fit the part perfectly – the fuck up brother that tests Norton’s loyalty to family and his job. I love the situation they put Norton in, and will only prove to be extremely dramatic, making the audience question right and wrong.

IMDB Plot: Motherless Brooklyn – "Motherless Brooklyn" is about Lionel Essrog, a detective with Tourette's Syndrome. When his mentor is murdered, he must go and find the killer.

Thoughts: This needs a trailer. Don’t know how I’ll react to Norton having Tourette’s.


Brad Pitt: four letters: H-U-N-K. Yeah, I said it. I don’t see why people hate this guy. He’s easily my favorite actor, and he will definitely turn heads in his upcoming films.

Most Recent: Babel – heard good things, have not seen it though. Oceans Thirteen – really liked this movie, and I love casinos more. Then there’s The Assassination of Jesse James. He is Jesse freaking James. Nothing else needs to be said.

Upcoming: Burn After Reading, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

IMDB Plot: Burn After Reading – “A disk containing the memoirs of a CIA agent ends up in the hands of two unscrupulous gym employees who attempt to sell it.” Watch the trailer. Go, now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqVZ4b8Xv94

Thoughts: This movie could be the best of the year next to The Dark Knight. The cast is absolutely ridiculous, and you have the Coen brothers behind the scenes. This movie is clever humor at its best, and for some, it may be the funniest movie of the year. I promise if you go in wanting to laugh, you will die. Pitt and Clooney’s characters look so doofy. Not only are the Coen brothers directing this film, but they wrote this movie as well, which is simply ingenious. You have my word that Pitt will steal the screen. In theaters this Friday…lets go.

IMDB Plot: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – “Tells the story of Benjamin Button, a man who starts aging backwards with bizarre consequences.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en-qL3SYKLc

Thoughts: Honestly, this movie looks a bit weird. However, this movie could win awards. It is so off the wall and obscene, that I’ll guarantee it gets amazing reviews. This movie may not be for everyone. On the other hand, I’m so pumped to see it. Theaters – some not all, but go for it, take a gamble.


No more room this week ladies and gents. Next week, Jack Dawson takes on Bruce Wayne in a four-movie, head-to-head showdown. Until next time...

down goes brady

my apologies go out to all of those who drafted tom brady (christopher squeo, i will pray for your team). on the brighter side, jets are 1-0, and while i did not watch the game, i heard very good things.

second week of the fantasy baseball playoffs start today for those who are interested (should be all of you). while i have lost sleep over carlos quentin getting injured, i still remain hopeful. updates to come.

enjoy the day.

From the party that continues to cast Barack Obama as elitist, courtesy of Vanity Fair

Cindy McCain's $300,000 Outfit
by Vanity Fair
September 4, 2008, 10:29 AM

One of the persistent memes in the Republican line of attack against Barack Obama is the notion that he is an elitist, whereas the G.O.P. represent real working Americans like Levi “F-in’ Redneck” Johnston.

It caught our attention, then, when First Lady Laura Bush and would-be First Lady Cindy McCain took the stage Tuesday night wearing some rather fancy designer clothes. So we asked our fashion department to price out their outfits.

Laura Bush
Oscar de la Renta suit: $2,500
Stuart Weitzman heels: $325
Pearl stud earrings: $600–$1,500
Total: Between $3,425 and $4,325

Cindy McCain
Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000
Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500
Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000
Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000
Shoes, designer unknown: $600
Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100

Wow! No wonder McCain has so many houses: his wife has the price of a Scottsdale split-level hanging from her ears.

(All prices except Laura’s shoes and Cindy’s watch are estimates, and the jewelry prices are based on the assumption that the pieces are real.)

Thanks to my Dad for the article

new castle, delaware dmv wednesday hours are 12 pm to 8 am

yes, it is that time again. it's back to blogging. i apologize for the long drought of posts. but now, i'm back to school, filling my brain again with more information that i will never use again, and filling your brain with information that you just might think is fucking awesome. or not, either or.

for all of those who are tired of these political conventions and want some real current events that will have a real impact on your life (just kidding), here's some sad news from the theatrical world.. Don LaFontaine, the voice-over for thousands of movie trailers including The Godfather, Terminator 2, Shrek, and Friday the 13th, died on September 2, at the age of 68.

we grew up hearing his voice tell us about the upcoming movies and tv shows we would rush out to see or cram on the couch to watch. it wasn't just my generation that he had an impact on, but also on the generation before. who knows, maybe subconsciously, the real reason why everyone loved to see the previews was so they could hear his voice. perhaps it was an element of comfort that we never knew about. think about it...

that's all for tonight. i'm going to continue blogging steadily now, which includes posts from other people (cough cough, if you're interested, cough cough).


here is the story of don lafontaine. hope you enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QPMvj_xejg