By Lauren R. Camhe
With all that’s going on in the world these days, it’s inevitable that some form of technology would breed enough buzz to create so much confusion on any college campus. Similar to the new, wildly inappropriate television series “Gossip Girl,” JuicyCampus.com has graced our university with a similar slander blog, clad with more unflattering adjectives than Madonna’s autobiography. Everyday, a new sorority girl’s name (and in a few rare cases, frat boys’) accompanies the word “cum-dumpster.” Yet everyday, those who bow their heads in disgust only find themselves reading and analyzing more deeply into an unconquerable abyss. Although this anonymously cruel controversy designed to sabotage the seemingly perfect is ruining reputations left and right, we kids just can’t get enough. It’s a travesty how much our contemporary lives resemble scripted television. In reality, however, I believe we are just trying to embody the wrong program.
This brings me to my next point. Why are we dying to live the lives that resemble these Upper East Side “dramedies” when everything was just perfect within the halls of Bayside High? When did binge drinking and one-night stands replace double-strawed milkshakes at “The Max” and kissing on the lips? Even throughout “The College Years,” nothing was half as scandalous as it is these days.
So, in a steady attempt to find a parallel between “Saved by the Bell” and Juicycampus.com, I put my best foot forward in a quest to relate the two. The best way for me to conduct this observation was to post on Juicycampus.com about my beloved 90’s television series. Here were the results:
The Post:“Who is your favorite saved by the bell character and why?”
The Sub-Post:“If you were a saved by the bell character, who would you be and why? Zack Morris, A.C., Lisa, Kelly Kapowski, Screech, Jesse Spano, Belding? Spill!”
The results:“Whoever posted this is a fucking loser”- anonymous
“Kelly Kapowski so I could suck off Zack Morris.”- anonymous
Along with a few unruly racial slurs about “shop-til-she-drops” Lisa Turtle and some relief that this wasn’t about a fraternity and/or sorority, the posts were mostly insults in my direction. (Take note: I am not really a fucking loser).
This, dear readers, friends, and fans, is why I wish everyone idealized a world beyond all of this – a world where KKTY Radio ruled the airwaves, Belding ruled the school, and significant, life-altering problems could be dealt with and squared away in a 30-minute episode. Still to this day I want to look like Kelly Kapowski, flex like AC Slater, debate like Jesse Spano, shop like Lisa Turtle, study like Screech, and date anyone who looks like Zack Morris.
So the next time you log in to Juicycampus.com only to encounter wild claims about everything and nothing, breathe a sigh of relief and keep hope alive. Perhaps one day we will stop seeing life through the eyes of a teenage gossip queen, and start living through the eyes of a Bayside Tiger.
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